January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

I wish I was joking, but every 5th of January since 2011 I have always been dumped on this day or faced the sharp pain of rejection.

The first time was when my high school boyfriend of two months broke up with me, before we started our last year of school together. Jan 5th 2011

Then again the following year, a guy who I was infatuated with, Bas, decided that after a month things were moving too fast, Jan 5th 2012.

Lucky number three, wasn’t so lucky, I admit I realised there was a pattern starting to develop and I thought this guy was different. My infatuation with Bas, pulled me out yet another relationship, only to have my heart torn out again. Jan 5th 2013

Number 4, he was a weird guy, who refused to date me since my morals were too ‘loose’, but was more than happy to revel in them.  Jan 5th 2014

And number 5, Well it will be interesting to see if by avoiding my phone and men I will be able to avoid the rejection. I always say I am staying away from men and not even leaving the house on the 5th of January, but somehow I always put my faith in these guys that they will be the one, or something different.

Keeping in mind I have been dumped on other dates during the years, it is just a little odd that it happens like this the past few years.

So everyone else out there, enjoy your 5th of Jan in style, I will be on lock down with icecream and movies tomorrow.

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30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 11 – The Pre-Relationship Relationship

As you know this ’30 day’ thing is being stretched to 30+ days since I am so slack with posting, there will still be 30 posts when I get around to them all.

But I know I am not alone in revealing in this stage before a relationship starts or ends before it starts.

It’s a great day to be alive, tensions are heavy, and the blinding thrill has slowed down, so that you can make out the potential destruction through all the metaphorical clouds that are your emotions.
This is the perfect time to see how well they treat you, both of you can pull out of this process at anytime under the assumption on one is attached to strongly. But here lies the problem, by this stage you are so wrapped up in each others dramas that the idea of being separated hurt to the core.

Of course it is a great time to see how personalities clash, I’m very much a Better Dig Two kind of gal after plenty of experiences, I get ridiculously  attached when I really like someone. I think the last time I felt like this was the Floridian Maths Teacher, before that was  my motorcycle driveby,  and before that was SeaBas, a guy I met at the gym and spent only a month in a relationship with, followed by months of dating.

So it’s been while, but not long enough that I’ve forgotten not to jump in the sack straight away. The funny thing with all these guys, in my attempt to show them how much I cared about them and wanted to be with them long term my actions backfired on me and the fact that I had slept with them ruined any further relationship.

Keeping in mind I only keep in contact with ‘Motorcycle DriveBy’ Guy, who calls me when ever he needs an ego boost and wants to know that I would still drop anything, or anyone to be with him…

Perhaps I am the problem….

But this is the update:


I love this stage of a ‘pre’ relationship, the honey moon phase is floating around, there are no rules as you guys aren’t a thing, there is so much internal debate on if you are exclusive. and the turmoil inside is worth it when they say what you want to hear, your entire body feels at peace, but until then you are left with:

Should I be this open with someone I just met?

Are they going to hurt me?

But what happens if they don’t want something more serious?

Are they sleeping with someone else too?

Well, my dear Cody, the Tinder Fling, gave me the ultimatum either I have sex with him or He’s going to find it else where.

You know, I have never felt this strong in a position where I supposedly have no power, I’m sticking to my guns. When I first read that text I admit my stomach dropped and I felt like someone had shot me.  His exact words were:

“….So I am sorry If I end up doing something with another girl. Fuck I am sounding like an asshole. But honestly I’m not going to go looking  I would rather you ;)”

Are you freaking kidding me?

The advice I was given from a fellow Pre-Realtionship Relationshiper was that he was a jerk, but perhaps  reconnect in a few months since we were at different stages… Then in the same breath she changed her tune to:

“Ok I lied, RUN, RUN LIKE HELL!”

But the worst thing at the end of her rant about this guys being a moron was that she said :

“I won’t judge you no matter what you do, I am totally still in love with that guy, *C-face*, We can’t resist each other and the cycle continues”

If ever I saw a toxic relationship, this is one, while they are still no where near a proper relationship, their connection is like one in a terrible romance drama. Ive seen it before with my best friend from high school. It’s a cycle that starts up with anger and passion and tragedy and continues, The best example I would have to give would be Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, two of my favourite poets, who’s love was focused around destruction.


You can read my post on why Pre-Relationship Break Ups Suck : HERE

30 Entries for 30 Days – Post Number 4 – You Only Want Me When You’re Lonely

You only want me when you’re lonely 

After reading ‘Stop dating someone you don’t have a future with just because it is convenient‘ on Elite Daily, my theory that we have all been the rebound at one stage in our lives plays true. We may just not have realised it.

My dalliance with Cody is solely based on the convenience that we live close by and we both haven’t found anyone we like better ( read the Tinder Fling or Am I enabling myself to be a Rebound to catch up). As much as I would love to see a future with this hunky man, I don’t think we will end up having one due to our personality and lifestyle clashes. He’s a bad boy, and while I am not radiate the entirely good girl vibe, it is defiantly there hidden under my somewhat recent trashy appearance. But the fact is that I entered into this ‘THING’, I say thing because there is no label, willing and knowing that there was a 89% chance it would end before it started.
It comes the the same stand by point my friends all make, I’m getting myself stuck in a relationship that prevents me from meeting my prince charming just like how I was with Gavin, I had 6 months stuck in a relationship I didn’t want for the sole fact I was too much of a pussy to hurt his feelings and free myself.  But the difference is, I can still meet other people while I am with Cody, like I said, there is no label… In saying that, he can also meet other people. I don’t see it as a waste, we are both throwing our emotions from previous relationships onto each other and allowing each other to slip back into our old comfort zones, regardless of how different they are.

Is this Convenience Or is it a Distraction?

Well the answer to this is BOTH, Ehh, I actually can’t talk.

If you are the one feeling like they only call you when they are lonely, it is time to shake up the power balance.

My first and foremost fear about doing this is,  ‘But What If They Don’t Come Chase Me?’ 

Well Honey, that is the point, if they don’t chase you when you switch up the rules and give yourself more power, then they aren’t worth the energy.

I must admit I have been reading a few chapters of ‘The Rules’ a book that I constantly say I will start implementing in my life when ever I start a new relationship (Although sadly I always forget) so thats why I have the motivation to say all this, otherwise it would be a long waffle of “I know it’s going to hurt me in the end, but I love him… Blah Blah Blah”, which can be demonstrated in almost all of my writing on romance, which revolves around me being infatuated with a man the moment he acts like a jerk.

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 2 – Am I enabling myself to become a rebound?

Am I enabling myself to become a rebound?

If you have to ask…. the answer is probably yes.

As you all know I came back from China three and a half weeks ago (OH MY GOD! The time has gone so quickly!) and the same day I dowloaded Tinder since I managed to break up with my boyfriend while traveling ( keep your judgment to yourself, it is a long story). Anyway after meeting a guy quickly and started to hang out with him, religiously almost every day, It has dawned on me. I am his rebound.

His girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him three months ago.

In my opinion it is to soon, if he still brings her up in conversation every day then you are on the wall to be a rebound.

By being there for him every time he calls or texts you are enabling him to slip into his old routines. NAY! It’s ok for you to be busy!  I will usually stop myself from making plans in the afternoons that I know he is free –Which is wrong! Make plans for when ever you feel like it.

Does everyone rebound?

I have no idea, I’m not a love guru… I’ve seen friend only emotionally rebound, and I’ve seen friends who throw themselves physically into a rebounding ‘arrangement’ but all I know is that they are hurting like hell. After hanging out with my girlfriends yesterday, over some amazing gf crepes in Kingsgrove, Three out of three had all broken up/ or been broken up with their boyfriends recently. And they all refuse to go on the rebound, these are nice girls who don’t want to hurt others… It makes me realise how selfish I have been in the past where I ‘ruin’ perfectly good guys, who actually like me, when I am rebounding.

How to avoid being a rebound?

We all know that if you want someone to stick around and respect you, you need to first respect yourself… I am the first person to say I always get caught out on this little part of the ‘game plan’.

I prefer to chase and usually lose interest as soon as they chase me, crazy right? It is like I am the boy. After so many slaps from friends and family for putting myself in situations that end up with me hurting, I have decided for once and for all I will take this advice, not just listen to it and respout it to you guys and then go and do my own thing …. which is what almost always ends up happening…. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!
My theory is that I can avoid being a rebound by simply holding off sex for three months. Ok so it isn’t the biggest epiphany in the world, but it is something that I have never done before. 
I was talking to my cousin about this guy I am seeing, and her best advice was wait for three months to do anything sexual and if he waits he is worth it and probably cares a lot about you, and if not, then you don’t get your heart broken.

Don’t fall for the ‘when ever you are ready’ trap!

This phrase has been used on me numerously by guys and I always fall for it. It’s a sneaky phrase that lulls you into a false sense of security, it can be used at any time, from the first meeting to 9 years down the road. Sure some guys out there actually mean it….Regardless it makes me feel like they care and want to stick around, but almost always results in them leaving and the empty feelings coming to the surface. I mean sure, some people love casual sex, but for me it isn’t worth it,

So the only rule you need to remember is Rule Number 1: Don’t have sex until you are ready!

Relationships

It’s that fun topic which I just love to talk about. And this time it isn’t mine. drinks all round.

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What really got me fueled for this was people around me who are somehow all in love… ok so I am one of them, after knowing someone for a few days they are “in love“… Sorry but I don’t think you can have the fairytale ending too! Haha ok so I admit I am one of those people who if it’s right… It’s right.

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I think in this case anyone under the age of 18? ( I guess) can’t really feel the whole love at first sight thing due to lack of experience, hell I could be wrong. When I was 16 I was “in love” with a boy and wanted to marry him….
So I’m not really allowed to criticize, but looking back I can see it wasn’t love, it was a need filled relationship. Captain Bas was my first love (18years old) and I still remember every detail of it. Since then I am jumping from man to
Man trying to find that same connection…. But when I see a 12 year old confessing her love to her boyfriend </em of the hour, I can't help but laugh.

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I’m not sure if it is just my circle of friends, but I tell them details. What’s wrong with that? The most usual question is Where were your legs?
Is it just because we are so close, just us girls, no bitching about each other, no gossip. But guys are apparently the ones who tell their friends, not one of my partners has ever been one of those guys who tell intimate details to their friends, lucky me. But I think of just how much it can effect a teenagers life if those details got out and circulated around high schools.

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This is by far the look of the Captains phone, I have been both the girlfriend and the side chick in this situation.
Looking back it is actually hilarious, how people treat each other. Hell! And the way we let ourselves be treated. Where is your assertiveness? Huh? Where is your self-respect?

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When Cupid is out with his arrow only bad things will arrive, for every great love…there is an equally terrible one, selfish and snide who for some absurd reason you will “love”.

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Dating yay! … Ok so we all know stereotypically girls take longer to get ready and stress about dates… Haha, girls have I got news for you. Under the layers of cockiness and douchbagness there is a huge layer of insecurities…. And that ongoing fights between the male “brains”… That’s right, plural.
Sometimes, not always and certainly not the majority of men, want the same as what we want, that is not to play games.
I’m not going to lie, I love to chase but hate it when they chase me.
Is it possible that the dickhead who tells you he doesn’t want to play games, actually is the biggest douchbag around? Yes it is totally possible. But sometimes you meet the guys who actually wants to be with you without make up, having nights in, playing monopoly. lol like I said, certainly not the majority.

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I think everyone at some point in their life will be in a relationship based on lies or that will hurt them emotionally. My best advice is to get moving ( I should really take my own advice).
STOP BEING SELF DESTRUCTIVE get out of that relationship if it hurts you, how else will you find your “soulmate”?

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We all try so hard to make ourselves like the ideal mate. Trying to get into that relationship. Why not be yourself but be confident. You are more likely to have a good time.
Now the problem is that once you are in that relationship…

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Yeah I don’t blame people as they get older, but I’m not going to lie, when I’m old and wrinkly I still want to be happy and still probably … You know… Well I just don’t want it to fizzle out.

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You know what they say, the more time you spend with someone the more you fall in “love” or in my case ” attraction” haha I was going to say obsession, so in some cases I’m sure that is true too.

Return of The Captain

It’s funny how a stranger can reappear in your life faster then when they left.
I met a boy two weeks ago last year and fell head over heels in love with him.
20121215-022742.jpgClingy doesn’t suit anyone but I wore it well. We started dating and everything was at the speed of light. Never a moment away from each other. He knew my family and I knew his. He had a set of keys and his mum showed me the back way into their house.

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Then I wasn’t enough and he met someone new. After 3 months of trying to win him back with my body and a whirl in my own pity party I got angry at him rather then wondering what I could have done.

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I still have the strongest feelings a year later.

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Now here he is again at my doorstep asking to hangout for a bit of “;)”… I’ve learnt my lesson.

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No guy will stick around and respect you as the capable woman you are when you let them have it

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I sometimes think that the more I take away any shield to hide myself the more that I am opening myself up to get hurt. which is true but in the long run I would rather experience those strong emotions for such a short about of time and have it end in tears than never have a chance to know what it could have been.

This time it’s payback, we’ve all made the mistake before But this time I’ll play the game.

For me games of the mind an heart are silly. I don’t want to play games. I want to chase. It’s funny how the guys I don’t like chase me and the ones I do I end up chasing.
Man after man, they are all emotionally unavailable.
So I’ll take a step back and let them come to me.
It has worked with the captain, a year later and we are exactly where we started. He doesn’t want a relationship and I do. But life is a learning curve I guess I’ll just have to see if I can change his mind.

Summer Loving!

Summer Loving

Summertime for me is all about romance, gardening, sun surf and sand.

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Summer Flings are my thing. see what I did there? Haha.
I love summer romances, fast and passionate… Don’t usually work out for my favor but I LIVE for the experience.

I LOVE FALLING IN LOVE.
Can you blame me? The birds and the bees are out…. So are the mozzies

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Late evenings spent in the garden, smells of barbecues fill the air as we walk home from a day at the beach from dawn to dusk.

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Late night laugher always echoing as couples walk past just as in love with the feeling of summer as each other. Drunk giggles float off my balcony as yet another bottle of white wine is opened.

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Late nights and early mornings.
Waking up before dawn at 4:30 to get up to Palm Beach to watch the sunrise is one of my best memories of summer. Endless cuddles on the sand as the sun rises.

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The fresh breeze and the smell of salt… The taste of salt.
Road-trips and the sweet smell of flowers.

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The brush of petals against your skin as you walk against the overgrown plants that grow over the unused path down the rock pool for midnight swims. Only the light of the moon to guide you over the large rocks that form a perfect live seat under the magestic stars.

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Fishing trips with my dad and my little step brother. Evening picnics with extended family and friends at the gardens on the beach.

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Salads made solely from the garden. My mummas strange obsession with eating flowers… Including the sage plant above

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Romance
Summer and romance go hand in hand. People seem to disclose copious amounts of information about themselves, caught up in the moment.

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Then comes the heartbreak as the new year comes in and everyone comes to their senses, the summer flings come to an end on the 5th of January. It’s the one date where the fling comes to an end.

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The magic has worn off and it’s back to normal life until the next time summer comes around.

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And next Summer I will meet another prince charming who will sweep me off my feet. There is always someone waiting each summer for you.

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