January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

I wish I was joking, but every 5th of January since 2011 I have always been dumped on this day or faced the sharp pain of rejection.

The first time was when my high school boyfriend of two months broke up with me, before we started our last year of school together. Jan 5th 2011

Then again the following year, a guy who I was infatuated with, Bas, decided that after a month things were moving too fast, Jan 5th 2012.

Lucky number three, wasn’t so lucky, I admit I realised there was a pattern starting to develop and I thought this guy was different. My infatuation with Bas, pulled me out yet another relationship, only to have my heart torn out again. Jan 5th 2013

Number 4, he was a weird guy, who refused to date me since my morals were too ‘loose’, but was more than happy to revel in them.  Jan 5th 2014

And number 5, Well it will be interesting to see if by avoiding my phone and men I will be able to avoid the rejection. I always say I am staying away from men and not even leaving the house on the 5th of January, but somehow I always put my faith in these guys that they will be the one, or something different.

Keeping in mind I have been dumped on other dates during the years, it is just a little odd that it happens like this the past few years.

So everyone else out there, enjoy your 5th of Jan in style, I will be on lock down with icecream and movies tomorrow.

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30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 11 – The Pre-Relationship Relationship

As you know this ’30 day’ thing is being stretched to 30+ days since I am so slack with posting, there will still be 30 posts when I get around to them all.

But I know I am not alone in revealing in this stage before a relationship starts or ends before it starts.

It’s a great day to be alive, tensions are heavy, and the blinding thrill has slowed down, so that you can make out the potential destruction through all the metaphorical clouds that are your emotions.
This is the perfect time to see how well they treat you, both of you can pull out of this process at anytime under the assumption on one is attached to strongly. But here lies the problem, by this stage you are so wrapped up in each others dramas that the idea of being separated hurt to the core.

Of course it is a great time to see how personalities clash, I’m very much a Better Dig Two kind of gal after plenty of experiences, I get ridiculously  attached when I really like someone. I think the last time I felt like this was the Floridian Maths Teacher, before that was  my motorcycle driveby,  and before that was SeaBas, a guy I met at the gym and spent only a month in a relationship with, followed by months of dating.

So it’s been while, but not long enough that I’ve forgotten not to jump in the sack straight away. The funny thing with all these guys, in my attempt to show them how much I cared about them and wanted to be with them long term my actions backfired on me and the fact that I had slept with them ruined any further relationship.

Keeping in mind I only keep in contact with ‘Motorcycle DriveBy’ Guy, who calls me when ever he needs an ego boost and wants to know that I would still drop anything, or anyone to be with him…

Perhaps I am the problem….

But this is the update:


I love this stage of a ‘pre’ relationship, the honey moon phase is floating around, there are no rules as you guys aren’t a thing, there is so much internal debate on if you are exclusive. and the turmoil inside is worth it when they say what you want to hear, your entire body feels at peace, but until then you are left with:

Should I be this open with someone I just met?

Are they going to hurt me?

But what happens if they don’t want something more serious?

Are they sleeping with someone else too?

Well, my dear Cody, the Tinder Fling, gave me the ultimatum either I have sex with him or He’s going to find it else where.

You know, I have never felt this strong in a position where I supposedly have no power, I’m sticking to my guns. When I first read that text I admit my stomach dropped and I felt like someone had shot me.  His exact words were:

“….So I am sorry If I end up doing something with another girl. Fuck I am sounding like an asshole. But honestly I’m not going to go looking  I would rather you ;)”

Are you freaking kidding me?

The advice I was given from a fellow Pre-Realtionship Relationshiper was that he was a jerk, but perhaps  reconnect in a few months since we were at different stages… Then in the same breath she changed her tune to:

“Ok I lied, RUN, RUN LIKE HELL!”

But the worst thing at the end of her rant about this guys being a moron was that she said :

“I won’t judge you no matter what you do, I am totally still in love with that guy, *C-face*, We can’t resist each other and the cycle continues”

If ever I saw a toxic relationship, this is one, while they are still no where near a proper relationship, their connection is like one in a terrible romance drama. Ive seen it before with my best friend from high school. It’s a cycle that starts up with anger and passion and tragedy and continues, The best example I would have to give would be Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, two of my favourite poets, who’s love was focused around destruction.


You can read my post on why Pre-Relationship Break Ups Suck : HERE

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 2 – Am I enabling myself to become a rebound?

Am I enabling myself to become a rebound?

If you have to ask…. the answer is probably yes.

As you all know I came back from China three and a half weeks ago (OH MY GOD! The time has gone so quickly!) and the same day I dowloaded Tinder since I managed to break up with my boyfriend while traveling ( keep your judgment to yourself, it is a long story). Anyway after meeting a guy quickly and started to hang out with him, religiously almost every day, It has dawned on me. I am his rebound.

His girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him three months ago.

In my opinion it is to soon, if he still brings her up in conversation every day then you are on the wall to be a rebound.

By being there for him every time he calls or texts you are enabling him to slip into his old routines. NAY! It’s ok for you to be busy!  I will usually stop myself from making plans in the afternoons that I know he is free –Which is wrong! Make plans for when ever you feel like it.

Does everyone rebound?

I have no idea, I’m not a love guru… I’ve seen friend only emotionally rebound, and I’ve seen friends who throw themselves physically into a rebounding ‘arrangement’ but all I know is that they are hurting like hell. After hanging out with my girlfriends yesterday, over some amazing gf crepes in Kingsgrove, Three out of three had all broken up/ or been broken up with their boyfriends recently. And they all refuse to go on the rebound, these are nice girls who don’t want to hurt others… It makes me realise how selfish I have been in the past where I ‘ruin’ perfectly good guys, who actually like me, when I am rebounding.

How to avoid being a rebound?

We all know that if you want someone to stick around and respect you, you need to first respect yourself… I am the first person to say I always get caught out on this little part of the ‘game plan’.

I prefer to chase and usually lose interest as soon as they chase me, crazy right? It is like I am the boy. After so many slaps from friends and family for putting myself in situations that end up with me hurting, I have decided for once and for all I will take this advice, not just listen to it and respout it to you guys and then go and do my own thing …. which is what almost always ends up happening…. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!
My theory is that I can avoid being a rebound by simply holding off sex for three months. Ok so it isn’t the biggest epiphany in the world, but it is something that I have never done before. 
I was talking to my cousin about this guy I am seeing, and her best advice was wait for three months to do anything sexual and if he waits he is worth it and probably cares a lot about you, and if not, then you don’t get your heart broken.

Don’t fall for the ‘when ever you are ready’ trap!

This phrase has been used on me numerously by guys and I always fall for it. It’s a sneaky phrase that lulls you into a false sense of security, it can be used at any time, from the first meeting to 9 years down the road. Sure some guys out there actually mean it….Regardless it makes me feel like they care and want to stick around, but almost always results in them leaving and the empty feelings coming to the surface. I mean sure, some people love casual sex, but for me it isn’t worth it,

So the only rule you need to remember is Rule Number 1: Don’t have sex until you are ready!

It’s a Game

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I often wonder if the thrill of chasing or being chased is as bad as I thought it was. The idea of leading someone on?
I don’t know. I always have bad strong morals. Even if I do break them I always know it was wrong but this game of cat and mouse, toying with people’s feelings. I forget how cruel it is.
I think the reason why it is so hard to forget is because I have been toyed with. You’d think that would make me more aware and not want others to experience the pain. But in the words of Frank Turner “I’m out for revenge”
It’s a accidental thing I think, well I like to convince myself I’m not just a bastard.

A repeating cycle of hurt.

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It’s a Game

20130801-211250.jpg
I often wonder if the thrill of chasing or being chased is as bad as I thought it was. The idea of leading someone on?
I don’t know. I always have bad strong morals. Even if I do break them I always know it was wrong but this game of cat and mouse, toying with people’s feelings. I forget how cruel it is.
I think the reason why it is so hard to forget is because I have been toyed with. You’d think that would make me more aware and not want others to experience the pain. But in the words of Frank Turner “I’m out for revenge”
It’s a accidental thing I think, well I like to convince myself I’m not just a bastard.

A repeating cycle of hurt.

20130801-211736.jpg