January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

January 5th Annual Day Of Rejection

I wish I was joking, but every 5th of January since 2011 I have always been dumped on this day or faced the sharp pain of rejection.

The first time was when my high school boyfriend of two months broke up with me, before we started our last year of school together. Jan 5th 2011

Then again the following year, a guy who I was infatuated with, Bas, decided that after a month things were moving too fast, Jan 5th 2012.

Lucky number three, wasn’t so lucky, I admit I realised there was a pattern starting to develop and I thought this guy was different. My infatuation with Bas, pulled me out yet another relationship, only to have my heart torn out again. Jan 5th 2013

Number 4, he was a weird guy, who refused to date me since my morals were too ‘loose’, but was more than happy to revel in them.  Jan 5th 2014

And number 5, Well it will be interesting to see if by avoiding my phone and men I will be able to avoid the rejection. I always say I am staying away from men and not even leaving the house on the 5th of January, but somehow I always put my faith in these guys that they will be the one, or something different.

Keeping in mind I have been dumped on other dates during the years, it is just a little odd that it happens like this the past few years.

So everyone else out there, enjoy your 5th of Jan in style, I will be on lock down with icecream and movies tomorrow.


A List of Tv Shows You Should Be Watching – 30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 15

I am constantly kicking myself for falling behind in University Course work, Sure I could blame the incessant texting, Tinder-ing, Online dating – thank you OkCupid, or the fact Ive been reading some great books….

But let’s not. Lets focus on that one thing I always pretend I don’t do – watching TV…

I am not sure about you, but when people ask me what I do for fun, my answer will never be watch tv. And when ever people ask me if I watch TV, my answer is always ‘No’, as if it somehow gives me some god given right to lord it above others.
It is the one thing I really know that I lie about, well technically I watch the dvd Box sets and the tv shows… but not actually on the TV so maybe it isn’t lying.

The TV shows you should be watching for the summer are:

  • Red Band Society:
    A super cute story that follows seven children/teenagers through their experience in a hospital. We have ‘Coma Boy’, better known as Charlie, who has been in a coma and is the narrator of the Show. Kira, essentially a cold hearted bitch –  who has heart failure – go figure. Leo, a great guy who excels in sports and has cancer in his leg. Jordie, a poor guy riddled with cancer who’s grown up in and out of back end poker rooms. Dash – the glue who holds the gang together, who’s lungs are in crisis. Emma, a overly smart girl who is suffering from Anorexia and some family drama. Hunter, A guy who’s liver is failing and feels it’s very much ‘me against the world’ situation.  These 7 are joined by four main staff members, Nurse Jackson, Dr McAndrews, Nurse Brittany and Nurse Kenji.
  • Jane The Virgin
    Jane, who was raised by her grandmother and mother – who had her as an teenager, vowed to stay a virgin until marriage so that she wouldn’t repeat her mothers accident. It all goes well until she is accidentally inseminated with her Boss’s sperm – don’t ask questions – just watch it.
  • Weeds
    If you liked Breaking Bad, you’ll love Weeds. Focusing on a young widowed mum with a flare for selling drugs and getting caught up in drama, it’s well worth a watch.
  • Bob’s Burgers
    One of the more classy cartoon shows, sorry Archer but your sexist comments aren’t wanted here. This tv show focuses on the Belcher Family, Bob, Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise as they run a burger joint. Words can’t describe how funny this show is.

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 14

Ok, so here I am playing catch up, perhaps it was my lack of commitment to myself that constantly leads me astray. It wasn’t so much that I stopped writing as much as I just stopped posting them.

If you have ever had the misfortune to read anything I have ever posted you will notice there is spelling and grammatical errors all through it… And why I would love to have the ability to go back through and revise it, taking out the boring bits too, I can’t. If I was to re-read my work I get so self conscious of my mindless drivel it becomes too embarrassing to post.
Don’t get me wrong, I think people who blog, write or whatever have a duty to make sure what ever they offer up isn’t complete crap… While I am a hypocrite when it comes to this writing aspect of my life, the rest of my life is very ordered and based on dedicate time to a few big things rather than dozens of inadequate things. For example if you look at my room, I don’t have much, but what I do have is very important to me or good quality – best of all when something comes under both categories.

Am I forgiven? 

I was at a christening yesterday out in Parramatta ASAP Church and during the entire service the Pastor kept rabbiting on about Forgiveness. I have a very strong dislike for the church as a whole, ever since I stopped going when I was 7 years old due to the Church’s lack of acceptance for any belief that may be slightly different, I wouldn’t enter one, even for funerals, christenings or weddings unless I was holding my Grandma or Great Aunts Hands, I was so paranoid that god would strike me with lightening and I figured that they were such good and god-fearing women that I would be safe. Sadly yesterday was a reminder that I have not yet grown out of this weird habit.

Ignoring the fact I was in a church, it made me think so much about this pointless drama with the Tinder Fling and how much time I waste on someone who kept asking for forgiveness then would go and do the whole thing again, get caught and ask again for forgiveness… I honestly just don’t care, It’s himself he needs to forgive, I figure, give him space and when/if he works through his crap he will come back and we can start again, and if not, WHO REALLY CARES?… except me, I totally care…

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 11 – The Pre-Relationship Relationship

As you know this ’30 day’ thing is being stretched to 30+ days since I am so slack with posting, there will still be 30 posts when I get around to them all.

But I know I am not alone in revealing in this stage before a relationship starts or ends before it starts.

It’s a great day to be alive, tensions are heavy, and the blinding thrill has slowed down, so that you can make out the potential destruction through all the metaphorical clouds that are your emotions.
This is the perfect time to see how well they treat you, both of you can pull out of this process at anytime under the assumption on one is attached to strongly. But here lies the problem, by this stage you are so wrapped up in each others dramas that the idea of being separated hurt to the core.

Of course it is a great time to see how personalities clash, I’m very much a Better Dig Two kind of gal after plenty of experiences, I get ridiculously  attached when I really like someone. I think the last time I felt like this was the Floridian Maths Teacher, before that was  my motorcycle driveby,  and before that was SeaBas, a guy I met at the gym and spent only a month in a relationship with, followed by months of dating.

So it’s been while, but not long enough that I’ve forgotten not to jump in the sack straight away. The funny thing with all these guys, in my attempt to show them how much I cared about them and wanted to be with them long term my actions backfired on me and the fact that I had slept with them ruined any further relationship.

Keeping in mind I only keep in contact with ‘Motorcycle DriveBy’ Guy, who calls me when ever he needs an ego boost and wants to know that I would still drop anything, or anyone to be with him…

Perhaps I am the problem….

But this is the update:

I love this stage of a ‘pre’ relationship, the honey moon phase is floating around, there are no rules as you guys aren’t a thing, there is so much internal debate on if you are exclusive. and the turmoil inside is worth it when they say what you want to hear, your entire body feels at peace, but until then you are left with:

Should I be this open with someone I just met?

Are they going to hurt me?

But what happens if they don’t want something more serious?

Are they sleeping with someone else too?

Well, my dear Cody, the Tinder Fling, gave me the ultimatum either I have sex with him or He’s going to find it else where.

You know, I have never felt this strong in a position where I supposedly have no power, I’m sticking to my guns. When I first read that text I admit my stomach dropped and I felt like someone had shot me.  His exact words were:

“….So I am sorry If I end up doing something with another girl. Fuck I am sounding like an asshole. But honestly I’m not going to go looking  I would rather you ;)”

Are you freaking kidding me?

The advice I was given from a fellow Pre-Realtionship Relationshiper was that he was a jerk, but perhaps  reconnect in a few months since we were at different stages… Then in the same breath she changed her tune to:

“Ok I lied, RUN, RUN LIKE HELL!”

But the worst thing at the end of her rant about this guys being a moron was that she said :

“I won’t judge you no matter what you do, I am totally still in love with that guy, *C-face*, We can’t resist each other and the cycle continues”

If ever I saw a toxic relationship, this is one, while they are still no where near a proper relationship, their connection is like one in a terrible romance drama. Ive seen it before with my best friend from high school. It’s a cycle that starts up with anger and passion and tragedy and continues, The best example I would have to give would be Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, two of my favourite poets, who’s love was focused around destruction.

You can read my post on why Pre-Relationship Break Ups Suck : HERE

5 Reasons Why the Pre-Relationship Break Ups are Hard. 30 Entries for 30 Days, Number 12

I had never really heard of the concept of the Pre- Relationship break up until yesterday where I was pouring out my little heart to my dear friend, Lacey. I was mid sentence about Cody, The Tinder Fling, and she just knew, you know? It’s a destructive relationship that will only end in pain but the good outweighs the bad – more on that later. It is a pre-relationship relationship.

  1. Telling other people about it seems pathetic since your one month dating romance is nothing by comparison to your poor friend who just got out of a three year relationship.
  2. And when you do tell other people, they roll their eyes and tell you to run.
    The best advice I was given was from Lacey, “Run, Run Like Hell” but in the same breath, she gets it after having this toxic pre-relationship relationship creating a vicious cycle and tells me to stay because no matter what, the feelings you get when you are with this person outweigh all the torture your little heart will withstand.
  3. You have absolutely no leverage, no one else can tell him he’s being a moron since there is a high chance only a few people know of you. And even then, the truth is distorted.
  4. Unless you have been in a toxic pre-relationship relationship, there is a high chance you won’t be able to understand why your friend is so hung up on a guy she was only dating for a month.
  5. And worst of all, You will never know what could have been.

ShotGun Rider

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 10 – Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not?

Wow.. number 10.
I take my hat off to you for getting through 10 of these very specific posts that could pass as being written by a whinging 14 year old with no sense of spelling, but then again, maybe that is too much credit to myself.

So we made it to Hump Day and no one has died  from listening to the news on the radio, it seems a few people have died and made it on the news, so that is a bit of a bummer.
I think when I die, I want to die of old age in my sleep and happy… Probably a tall order, but I think we can aim for a good long, happy and healthy life for the most part and take it a day at a time from there.

On the topic of death I was listening to a debate between a Nurse, Scientist, Engineer and Naturopath on euthanasia. You know they all seemed to have the same opinion on it, with the same black and white response that it should be legal for people of mental stability in the position of chronic illnesses and old age, the only problem is when it intertwines with mental health. What is your take on Euthanasia?

It’s amazing how quick vets are to suggest Euthanasia for our pets, don’t read into what I’m saying too much, that is not the point. But in the few short visits to the vet in the last few days with my friend and her cat, I was surprised the topic came up twice. This poor cat has cystitis, something some of us may be familiar with, one of the vet’s suggestions first up was to put the cat down. Like it would decrease the cats life quality that much, that killing it was the best option.
I mean, I am all about quality of life, don’t get me wrong, but if you suggest it for a cat that is only 5 who will occasionally get cystitis then I see another that  is 13, obviously in pain, has cancer and arthritis… it is a bit weird.

On the note of Cats. One of the ones I got from Ingleside Animal Welfare League about a month ago pulled a runner two nights ago and I’m absolutely distraught. This poor cat has apparently never been outside, expect in a cat carrier when carried to and from the pound. And she is frightened of everything, so that makes me feel worse.

OK so back to the point and we are going to take a look at how soon is too soon to kiss?

After a lovely phone conversation with my friend, L, from America, I realized that no matter how much I want there to be a standardized rule on ‘How many dates to kiss on, or to have sex on, or how many hours until you can hold hands‘… There just isn’t.

Being a girl is difficult, sure we have periods and bitch fights to deal with, but have you tried to figure out if you come off like a skank or like a prude. Sure the smart thing to say here is

Be yourself

But has anyone, short of the few insanely lucky ones, tried it and found someone who they can’t live without who returns the level of crazy attachment?
You have to be appealing enough to get them to stick around, but not so appealing that they think you are a flirt and an easy f@ck. There is such a thin line.

So back to me, because clearly I cant go more than a paragraph without talking about myself, Cody (Tinder Fling guy) is always teasing me since he thinks I am scared (He doesn’t know that I’m waiting until I know he will stick around, but aye, what can you do) and rarely make a move, but that is the funny thing. When someone has such a poor level of body language how can you know if they are receptive and that my friends is how you end up in a stale mate.

30 Entries for 30 Days – Number 9 – Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

And we are so back on track with the 25/30 Pathetic Posts for my ‘30 Entries for 30 Days’ challenge, just incase you were worried.

Being myself is usually what I do in order to get guys, I think I am fantastic and usually that is enough to convince them that I am too. But after getting different advice from books and friends, I have decided that while the whole ‘don’t give yourself away’ thing is by far the smartest to avoid getting hurt, but not the smartest if you want to make a connection.

Think about it, when was the last time you were with someone and you instantly connected? Let me guess, it was a whirlwind romance, you wanted to be with each other 24/7, You wanted them to know everything about you and vice versa.
When I entered into dating Cody, the tinder fling, I kept myself private, not intentionally – he just wasn’t into asking questions, and over time I just spill my guts about everything regardless, and he’s getting used to it. In saying that, I think an approach from both angles is best, even if they aren’t asking you questions, sometimes you just have to volunteer information.

Whether a relationship forms is dependent on the two of you, so even if you are incredibly keen on someone, there is a chance it may :

  • A – Blow up in your face
  • B – Be Perfect Until You Realise He/She just Isn’t Interested…
  • C –  He/She will grow to love you

For the record C is soon unlikely, see my previous relationship with Gavin where I pushed it to happen since I was lonely and wanted a lifestyle that he was offering, while ignoring the fact I didn’t actually like him at all.

But what we do know, – no scientific research or statistics were harmed in the making by this assumption, is that guys want to chase, majority of the time, and deep down they generally go for destructive and crazy girls – which ends the relationship pretty quickly. But if you find a guy who just got out of a relationship with a crazy girl… there is a awesomely high chance he has dated other crazy girls before you. So there is my warning.

The vagueness of my advice is to  

  • Put yourself out there
  • Wait until the moments right
  • Respect your self.

I know what you are thinking, How the hell can you do the first two things at the same time?

Well, my suggestion is, if you don’t put yourself out there, you will never have a chance. So throw yourself into it enthusiastically, in saying that don’t rush to have sex or force yourself to feel ‘love’, but if you are both free at the same time, it’s ok to do spur of the moment things. But don’t make him the centre of your world. If you respect yourself he will too, this isn’t about ‘slut shaming’, It’s just my opinion, that if you keep it to yourself that you banged another guy a few night before you met up with this new guy, thats probably a great call.
It’s like being a member of an exclusive club, The harder it is to get, the more people will want it, right? Or at the very least  different type of people. To be fair though, this logic doesn’t always work, I mean sometimes you just find that one person who wants to know all your flaws, mistakes and conquests and will love you regardless… but just think they will probably expect you to love them for theirs too.

That is one thing I am terrible at, as soon as I meet a guy, he instantly becomes my social circle, I forget about my friends.
So much so, that after a quiet night in with Cody I forgot I had my friends coming around for breakfast the next morning and had to introduce them all to him and to make it worse I didn’t even tell him until they were already here. Horrible I know, but he put on a smile and handled it well… Much better than I would have. You would think I would learn from this mornings experience that Cody should not be the centre of my universe, but yet, here I am, rearranging my schedule last minute make sure all my afternoon/evenings are free incase he wants to see me. Can you say Pathetic?  But it is the feeling that I love when you know you are making bad choices because of feelings. 

So I’m just waiting it out, while being out there to get hurt, but still keeping my dignity…. Hope you can tell me what works best for you.