Ok, so here I am playing catch up, perhaps it was my lack of commitment to myself that constantly leads me astray. It wasn’t so much that I stopped writing as much as I just stopped posting them.
If you have ever had the misfortune to read anything I have ever posted you will notice there is spelling and grammatical errors all through it… And why I would love to have the ability to go back through and revise it, taking out the boring bits too, I can’t. If I was to re-read my work I get so self conscious of my mindless drivel it becomes too embarrassing to post.
Don’t get me wrong, I think people who blog, write or whatever have a duty to make sure what ever they offer up isn’t complete crap… While I am a hypocrite when it comes to this writing aspect of my life, the rest of my life is very ordered and based on dedicate time to a few big things rather than dozens of inadequate things. For example if you look at my room, I don’t have much, but what I do have is very important to me or good quality – best of all when something comes under both categories.
Am I forgiven?
I was at a christening yesterday out in Parramatta ASAP Church and during the entire service the Pastor kept rabbiting on about Forgiveness. I have a very strong dislike for the church as a whole, ever since I stopped going when I was 7 years old due to the Church’s lack of acceptance for any belief that may be slightly different, I wouldn’t enter one, even for funerals, christenings or weddings unless I was holding my Grandma or Great Aunts Hands, I was so paranoid that god would strike me with lightening and I figured that they were such good and god-fearing women that I would be safe. Sadly yesterday was a reminder that I have not yet grown out of this weird habit.
Ignoring the fact I was in a church, it made me think so much about this pointless drama with the Tinder Fling and how much time I waste on someone who kept asking for forgiveness then would go and do the whole thing again, get caught and ask again for forgiveness… I honestly just don’t care, It’s himself he needs to forgive, I figure, give him space and when/if he works through his crap he will come back and we can start again, and if not, WHO REALLY CARES?… except me, I totally care…