Am I enabling myself to become a rebound?
If you have to ask…. the answer is probably yes.
As you all know I came back from China three and a half weeks ago (OH MY GOD! The time has gone so quickly!) and the same day I dowloaded Tinder since I managed to break up with my boyfriend while traveling ( keep your judgment to yourself, it is a long story). Anyway after meeting a guy quickly and started to hang out with him, religiously almost every day, It has dawned on me. I am his rebound.
His girlfriend cheated on him and broke up with him three months ago.
In my opinion it is to soon, if he still brings her up in conversation every day then you are on the wall to be a rebound.
By being there for him every time he calls or texts you are enabling him to slip into his old routines. NAY! It’s ok for you to be busy! I will usually stop myself from making plans in the afternoons that I know he is free –Which is wrong! Make plans for when ever you feel like it.
Does everyone rebound?
I have no idea, I’m not a love guru… I’ve seen friend only emotionally rebound, and I’ve seen friends who throw themselves physically into a rebounding ‘arrangement’ but all I know is that they are hurting like hell. After hanging out with my girlfriends yesterday, over some amazing gf crepes in Kingsgrove, Three out of three had all broken up/ or been broken up with their boyfriends recently. And they all refuse to go on the rebound, these are nice girls who don’t want to hurt others… It makes me realise how selfish I have been in the past where I ‘ruin’ perfectly good guys, who actually like me, when I am rebounding.
How to avoid being a rebound?
We all know that if you want someone to stick around and respect you, you need to first respect yourself… I am the first person to say I always get caught out on this little part of the ‘game plan’.
I prefer to chase and usually lose interest as soon as they chase me, crazy right? It is like I am the boy. After so many slaps from friends and family for putting myself in situations that end up with me hurting, I have decided for once and for all I will take this advice, not just listen to it and respout it to you guys and then go and do my own thing …. which is what almost always ends up happening…. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!
My theory is that I can avoid being a rebound by simply holding off sex for three months. Ok so it isn’t the biggest epiphany in the world, but it is something that I have never done before.
I was talking to my cousin about this guy I am seeing, and her best advice was wait for three months to do anything sexual and if he waits he is worth it and probably cares a lot about you, and if not, then you don’t get your heart broken.
Don’t fall for the ‘when ever you are ready’ trap!
This phrase has been used on me numerously by guys and I always fall for it. It’s a sneaky phrase that lulls you into a false sense of security, it can be used at any time, from the first meeting to 9 years down the road. Sure some guys out there actually mean it….Regardless it makes me feel like they care and want to stick around, but almost always results in them leaving and the empty feelings coming to the surface. I mean sure, some people love casual sex, but for me it isn’t worth it,
So the only rule you need to remember is Rule Number 1: Don’t have sex until you are ready!