And we are so back on track with the 25/30 Pathetic Posts for my ‘30 Entries for 30 Days’ challenge, just incase you were worried.
Being myself is usually what I do in order to get guys, I think I am fantastic and usually that is enough to convince them that I am too. But after getting different advice from books and friends, I have decided that while the whole ‘don’t give yourself away’ thing is by far the smartest to avoid getting hurt, but not the smartest if you want to make a connection.
Think about it, when was the last time you were with someone and you instantly connected? Let me guess, it was a whirlwind romance, you wanted to be with each other 24/7, You wanted them to know everything about you and vice versa.
When I entered into dating Cody, the tinder fling, I kept myself private, not intentionally – he just wasn’t into asking questions, and over time I just spill my guts about everything regardless, and he’s getting used to it. In saying that, I think an approach from both angles is best, even if they aren’t asking you questions, sometimes you just have to volunteer information.
Whether a relationship forms is dependent on the two of you, so even if you are incredibly keen on someone, there is a chance it may :
- A – Blow up in your face
- B – Be Perfect Until You Realise He/She just Isn’t Interested…
- C – He/She will grow to love you
For the record C is soon unlikely, see my previous relationship with Gavin where I pushed it to happen since I was lonely and wanted a lifestyle that he was offering, while ignoring the fact I didn’t actually like him at all.
But what we do know, – no scientific research or statistics were harmed in the making by this assumption, is that guys want to chase, majority of the time, and deep down they generally go for destructive and crazy girls – which ends the relationship pretty quickly. But if you find a guy who just got out of a relationship with a crazy girl… there is a awesomely high chance he has dated other crazy girls before you. So there is my warning.
The vagueness of my advice is to
- Put yourself out there
- Wait until the moments right
- Respect your self.
I know what you are thinking, How the hell can you do the first two things at the same time?
Well, my suggestion is, if you don’t put yourself out there, you will never have a chance. So throw yourself into it enthusiastically, in saying that don’t rush to have sex or force yourself to feel ‘love’, but if you are both free at the same time, it’s ok to do spur of the moment things. But don’t make him the centre of your world. If you respect yourself he will too, this isn’t about ‘slut shaming’, It’s just my opinion, that if you keep it to yourself that you banged another guy a few night before you met up with this new guy, thats probably a great call.
It’s like being a member of an exclusive club, The harder it is to get, the more people will want it, right? Or at the very least different type of people. To be fair though, this logic doesn’t always work, I mean sometimes you just find that one person who wants to know all your flaws, mistakes and conquests and will love you regardless… but just think they will probably expect you to love them for theirs too.
That is one thing I am terrible at, as soon as I meet a guy, he instantly becomes my social circle, I forget about my friends.
So much so, that after a quiet night in with Cody I forgot I had my friends coming around for breakfast the next morning and had to introduce them all to him and to make it worse I didn’t even tell him until they were already here. Horrible I know, but he put on a smile and handled it well… Much better than I would have. You would think I would learn from this mornings experience that Cody should not be the centre of my universe, but yet, here I am, rearranging my schedule last minute make sure all my afternoon/evenings are free incase he wants to see me. Can you say Pathetic? But it is the feeling that I love when you know you are making bad choices because of feelings.
So I’m just waiting it out, while being out there to get hurt, but still keeping my dignity…. Hope you can tell me what works best for you.