Bad Days

We all have bad days, some worse than others. But I was starting to think I was free momentarily from them while I was on Medication. I honestly think I could have quiet happily continued taking this magical pill that made me feel significantly less shit and helped me gain back some of my own control over the ability to get out of bed.

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But I was watching an episode, or the first episode, of the Town, with Martin Clunes. The general gist of the show is that two people supposedly committed suicide and just because they took anti depressants it was accepted and no further investigation was done.
I DONT WANT TO HAVE MY BODY FOUND IF I AM KILLED AND JUST PASSED OFF AS ANOTHER SUICIDE But how can I expect any different if I’m on my meds, right? This was the thinking patterned that woke me up to that I shouldn’t be on them forever, but somehow I saw it as going cold turkey…. Safe to say that did not end well.
The withdrawals are getting easier to deal with each time I stupidly do this, but the end result ends up with me manic and hysterical for a few days before I go back on my medication. During those days I cry over anything, refuse to get out of bed.

I know that you have to ween yourself off, and build up a routine and exercise and supplements until your body can cope on it’s own. I don’t know why I never actually do it correctly…. Maybe I’m just scare and there is no quick fix next time.

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