To Drink or Not To Drink

To Drink Or Not To Drink
Arghhhh

I am so far two and a half months sober. I haven’t touched a drop of Alcohol.

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At first it was hard
And two months on its still hard

I’m not going to lie I feel better for it. But the small tantrums I would have in my head before I could get out of bed each morning were like death to me. I think I felt like I was willing or forcing my body to function with alcohol…. This is something my brain wasn’t used to third resulting in my childlike tantrum that had to occurs each morning until my body realized it wasn’t getting any of it’s ( forgive my tolders and tiaras reference) Go-Go Juice. Now looking back I can’t help but laugh at how stupid I was, making it into such a big thing.
I’ll admit at the time I needed the pathetic tantrum each morning. I felt completely alone, I felt alienated from my mum, the person who I hoped would understand as she worked on the field. But she retracted for the first few weeks, I know she wanted to be there for me and she really did try and support me but I could tell she couldn’t cope. That was the whole reason I kept it from her in the first place. Seemed like I was going backwards. .

During that time I got closer to my dad, feeling the understanding my mum able to supply. All his past mistakes and our arguments were forgotten. It was nice to be accepted.

I don’t want to ramble on about drinking alcohol. But I’ll Clift notes it for you. I fell into it. It just landed in front of my like a ladder out of a hole I had fallen into. At 16, like every teenager I was going through thy stage of no one understands me and I have no one to turn to…. Well in my case I really did have no one to turn to.
I was in the united Kingdom, living with strangers who would make my life hell. I wish I was exaggerating
I was living with a heavy abusive alcoholic, a cruel and corrupted and greedy guardian and a their sons, who were older them me by three years and one had almost been to jail on sexual assault… Where do I did myself? Trapped by the sons constant unwelcome advances.
Where could I run to?
Home? My parents were in a messy divorce and had told me I had to stick it out. Notably I hadn’t gone into detail about the situation. But I wanted to make them proud of me. So I escaped to the pub. At 16 I found I could get away with what ever I wanted there. That’s where the trouble started.

When I was there I drank to escape those people.

When I came home I drank to escape from what I had done.

When I had drunk enough to block it out I drank to adapt, and make myself fit so my family and friends would stop asking things.

Then it became a habit.
School, Uni, Home. I wasn’t picky.
Then it became a problem.

I fixed the problem after looking for help myself

It may have hurt my family in the first instance but it I hadn’t it would have hurt them more.

No one wants to be like that…/em>;;

So if your drinking is getting a problem there is no harm in stoping.

I feel more ALIVE, I can do more things. Actually be there and experience it.

When I did give up alcohol I will admit to being on medication which lessened the blow and backlash my body felt. But regardless I know it is going to suck no matter how little or how much you drink.

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Clubbing- a hateful word to my ears today. While I still try and go dancing with my girlfriends once a week, I find I no longer have the drive to stay out till 3 am and visit a great many bars. The buzz is gone. I don’t seem to be as excited to travel all the way into the city. I am saving a whole heap more money. But the conversations I usually find so interesting are full of dull and idiotic incoherent ramekins.
I am a party person, I don’t need an icebreaker, but having to wait an hour for my friends to drink enough confidence to dance with me is getting annoying.

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Is it just me or when you drink do you get to the stage where you want to call you ex and beg them to take you back… Just another reason to take a break from alcohol after a break up.

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I know my new method for getting over someone is to stir a spoon full of sugar into a shot of alcohol but, if you drink in excess you will find yourself
getting upset and almost defiantly regretting something.
And by something I mean getting caught getting naked in public…

It was a good idea at the time

doesn’t really cut it when you look through the pictures the next day.

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Don’t get caught like I did, having different circles of friends can be hard. Each wanting to I out for a drink to catch up, I would find myself drinking with each group a few day a week each. My poor poor body.

It is going to take some time for my body to recover but I will give it all the time it needs.
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But a big thank you goes to my mum and dad who have supported me when I needed them most. I love you. And I must thank my wonderful Mumma who had given up alcohol to help me through.

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